


That's all we'll ever Be

by KristiLynn



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Adultery, Episode Related, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 22:25:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5683084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KristiLynn/pseuds/KristiLynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're a CAG, and I am your hotshot problem pilot. I guess that's all we'll ever be now, huh?"<br/>(Pre-series up to Maelstrom)</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's all we'll ever Be

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on livejournal 5/19/2008

01\.   
_I hear she's kicking ass across the board and rock two hundred thousand higher scorer  
Just in time to save the world of being taken over  
She's a warrior_  
-Please Don't Tell Her (Jason Mraz)

He knew about her even before he met her. Of course he did. Everyone knew about the infamous Starbuck. Not only did she beat all academy records, she blew them out of the water. He’s sure that’s what made her so appealing to Zak.

Sometimes he finds himself wishing he could have met her first. Before his brother did. He wonders what it would have been like without Zak. Would they have hit it off as well as they did? Or would they have actually had been able to attempt to have an honest to Gods relationship?

Sometimes he finds himself wishing he could have met her first. But when he catches him mind drifting to those thoughts he has to stop himself. He didn’t meet her first, and no amount of wishing or fantasizing can change that.

02.  
 _You picked me up the ground  
When I wasn’t strong enough  
To be anywhere but in your arms tonight_  
\-- In Your Arms Tonight (Hedwig and the Angry Inch)

After Zak’s death Kara found herself in some hole in the wall bar near the base. She didn’t know why she was there, she didn’t feel like drinking. For the first time in the Gods only know how long, Kara Thrace didn’t feel like drinking. She didn’t feel like doing much of anything actually. 

That didn’t stop her from drinking. And drinking. And just when she thought, “I should stop” she drank some more.

She wasn’t sure when Lee got there, or who exactly told him to come, but she’s glad he was there. He stopped her from doing something stupid, just like always. It’s a shame he couldn’t always be with her.

“Come on,” he whispered into her ear, “Let's get you home.”

03.  
 _Frat boys gone to dogs  
Brawling and sparring  
Blue girl dance for me  
The empty floor or nothing_  
\-- I Just Want the Girl in the Blue Dress to Keep On Dancing (Mike Doughty)

“If you want to ask me to dance just do it.”

“Do you want to dance?”

“Me in a dress is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

Lee couldn’t help but smile as watched her strut out onto the dance floor. This was the Kara he remembered. The Kara that would spend all day teaching and still have the energy to go to some bar and stay up until all hours of the night, drinking everyone that she was with under the table while some underground band that only she had heard of played on stage.

He missed that Kara.

04\.   
_It's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you  
It's the wrong time, for somebody new  
it's a small cry and I've got no excuse_  
\-- 9 crimes (Damien rice)

It wasn’t the first time it had happened, imagining Lee when she was with someone who very obviously wasn’t him. It was, however, the first time the other person found out about it.

It was also the first time she ever felt guilty about it.

Why did it have to be Lee? She mentally scolded herself as she hurried out of Baltar’s room, Of all the people why did it always have to be Lee?

05\.   
_and then my brother was murdered  
while my father was in prison,   
and the girl that I sometimes loved up and moved away,   
and my body filled up with blackness, and the darkness it wanted to drown me_  
\-- I Made A Resolution (Sea Wolf)

Lee hated to admit it but he really did want to die out there. And he was so close to it too. But for some reason he survived. For some reason the Gods saved him.

Why? He didn’t know. But he did know that there had to be a good reason for it. And maybe one day he would figure it out.

06\.   
_Tell me if we sleep together  
would it make it any better?  
If we sleep together would you  
be my friend forever?_  
\-- La Familia (Mirah)

Kara was glad Lee did what he did, that he gave her time to realize what a frakked up idea sleeping with him would have been. Because she was only using him to make herself feel better.

She didn’t know why she still used sex to make herself feel better. From her own personal experience, and she had a lot of experience on this matter, she knew that sex did not make you feel better. Sure while it happened it may feel like everything was going to be okay, but once it was over your problems were still there.

And anyway if she wanted to frak the pain away she should have chosen someone else. Anyone else Because Lee was her friend. And sex sure as hell didn’t bring people together. If anything it tore them apart.

And she really couldn’t lose Lee. She loved him to much.

07\.   
_I took the Polaroid down in my room  
I’m pretty sure you have a new girlfriend  
it’s not as if I don’t like you  
it just makes me sad whenever I see it  
cuz I like to be gone most of the time  
and you like to be home most of the time  
if I stay in one place I lose my mind  
I’m a pretty impossible lady to be with_  
\-- Tire Swing (Kimya Dawson)

Dee was the right choice. Even though she hated the girl Kara knew that Dee was the right one for him.

08\.   
_she's a million miles away from me  
separated by a hollow wooden door  
and some time we can't erase  
serves me right  
to let her in the first time she knocked_  
\-- Wandering (Ben Folds)

Lee had learned a long time ago that Kara was a plague. She only brought pain and destruction into his life.

So why did he always let her back in? Every time she walked back into his life he ended up hurt. This time was no different. 

Except it was. 

He was done with her. He had opened his heart to her for the last time. With his new bride standing before him, Lee Adama swore that he would never again let Kara Thrace back in. 

09\.   
_My friends all ask about you  
I say you're doing fine  
I expect to hear from you almost any time  
They all know I'm lying  
I can't sleep at night  
They all know I'm dying deep down inside_  
\-- I'm Sorry (Red House Painters)

 

It didn’t take long for word to get around New Caprica that something had happened between Starbuck and Apollo. No one knew what had happened, but they knew whatever it was, it was serious.

In the beginning people would ask her about him, but it quickly became obvious she didn’t want to talk about him. 

He started coming down once every few months to check on things and not once would he stop by Kara’s tent. And she wouldn’t go searching for him either. In fact if they did come in contact with one another they would turn and walk the other way, without a word being spoken. 

In the beginning people would speculate about what had happened between the two, but the longer they went without talking the more their looks and attitudes changed. And the New Caprica citizens decided that maybe it was just better if they didn’t know.

10\.   
_You know his touch a little to well  
You throw yourself into their arms  
Mistresses have all the fun  
But no one’s ever there to take you home_  
\-- Where There's Gold... (Dashboard Confessionals)

The second time they ever slept together was a week before they left for the Algae planet. It was late and they both were on an adrenaline high having just come back from CAP. They were joking around in the halls, playfully hitting and grabbing at one another, and then suddenly it wasn’t so playful. 

He pushed her up against the wall and kissed her, his teeth nipping lightly at her bottom lip. Then he took her hand and led her to an empty weapons locker.

He undressed her and then himself. He initiated everything and Kara had to give him props for that. Adultery was more her style.

Afterwards they just laid there on the cold floor trying to catch their breath, trying not to think about the ramifications of everything that had just happened.

The silence was horrible.

Lee finally spoke.“I have to go.” he said, “Dee’s waiting.” and she nodded. What else was she to do?

He stood up, quickly got dressed and then left. Leaving her to go back (alone) to an empty bunk. 

11\.   
_And if it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state.  
You can keep to yourself.  
I'll keep out of your way.  
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.  
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out._  
\-- The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot (Brand New)

A year ago Lee swore to himself that he wasn’t going to let Kara Thrace hurt him again. So when she told him that she wasn’t leaving her husband that was it. He had made his decision, and he was going to stick with it.

And yes, when she came to him and asked if the offer still stood he wanted to scream “Yes!”, but then the logical portion of his brain stepped in and reminded him that she had a habit of changing her mind and breaking his heart. The tattoo on her arm made that perfectly clear. 

He knew that it hurt her, and he hated it. But it was what had to happen.

12\.   
_See you up ahead,_  
but I don't know if I can go as far as you go  
\-- Aurora (Veruca Salt)

When her viper disappeared Lee wanted to follow Kara. Even after it exploded he wanted to follow her, if anyone could have survived that it was her (How many times had she come back from the dead now?).

But something was holding him back. Fear maybe?

Or maybe it was relief. She was finally out of her life once and for all. She no longer had a hold on him.

He was free.


End file.
